Should I stay or should I go?

A great punk rock song of the 80’s. A burning question of the now.

Whether it be a draining job, a toxic relationship or a friendship past its’ used by date, a fundamental question crosses our mind….do I stay or should I leave?

A seemingly impossible decision to make with endless scenarios. We make lists of all the pros and cons. We create stories about what would happen if and where would I be without. What keeps us stuck in this indecision is one thing- FEAR. We mask the fear by convincing our self that we are actually happy, “but I love him”, “but it pays the bills” or “but I have known them forever”. The fear of change outweighs the pain of staying so we make compromises with our self. We make excuses.

We reason, justify and explain away our feelings until we make our self-feel so insignificant and deny our needs so much that we are no longer our authentic self. The fundamental fear of being unlovable wins out and we settle.

We settle for the mediocre job that pays the bills but doesn’t fulfil us in any way.

We settle for the toxic relationship which emotionally drains us of our precious energy and only reiterates to us that we are not good enough.

We settle and we stay in unhealthy relationships, friendships, situations and experiences that take our light until there is nothing left in us but a dull glow.

We are shells of the person we are destined to be. Exhausted by life’s challenges. Depleted of any kind of real love, appreciation or worth. Life goes by so fast that we find ourselves now in a rut. We are stuck in the daily routine of life only pausing when the pain of where we are becomes unbearable. The weight of the mundane pressing heavily on our shoulders until we crumble.

Realising that we are deeply unhappy and extremely dissatisfied with the life we are currently living.

Or not even living- surviving.

From the pit of despair comes a valuable time to reflect. To take a pause and evaluate where is it that you find yourself. During this time, there are some questions we could ask our self to help us evaluate the current status of our lives:

Am I my best self with this person/situation/experience?

Is this person/experience/situation helping me to grow into my potential as a human being?

When I leave this person/experience/situation am I energised or feeling drained and depleted?

Most importantly of all;

Am I happy in the presence of this person/experience/situation?

Life is a gift that ought to be treasured. More than that, it goes by so fast that if we don’t stop we get taken by the stream. We need to step out of the flowing river and take a look at where we are. What serves us and what no longer does. We are all worthy and deserving of great, outstandingly, amazing things in life. Staying in a situation that doesn’t contribute to our personal growth, that doesn’t nurture our beautiful soul or doesn’t feed us with positive energy is paramount to a life of unhappiness and dissatisfaction. Our happiness is in our own hands. It is time to take control of the river of life and direct it in a way that will lead us to fulfilment, to genuine love and to pure joy!


Elle Phillips is a mind detox therapist, coach and self love advocate. She helps women to develop a deep self-love by releasing past, healing hurts, shifting limiting beliefs and saying goodbye to that fearful voice. As a human being experiencing life on this planet, everyone deserve their own love and affection. You are enough and you are worthy! My intention is for women to see this light that resides within each of them and express their deepest desires.

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