I wasn’t supposed to fall in love with you but like the forbidden fruit, you were a temptation to sweet to ignore. The moment our eyes locked I knew I was in trouble. Drowning in your presence, my soul was hearing a call home. Realising instantly, I was completely and irrevocable in love with you. I saw you and I felt my entire being light up, my energy renewed and my heart wanting more.
Around you, there was always a pull. A deep knowing on a soul level that you were important. A reflective mirror to the parts of my self that required to be brought to life, you tested me. My entire self was pushed, pulled, twisted and triggered as this intense, magnetic connection had old patterns surfacing. Your mere presence in my life marks a distinct beginning.
It felt as though you were a part of me. The more time we spent together, the more the feelings grew. A mutual agreement that a connection was made. The sharing of life experiences combined with the common values that we exclusively shared, the spark intensified. I had never experienced these feelings of wanting, desire. All of the interactions, the conversations, and the chemistry coming to a decision….
Do we jump heart first into these feelings, letting go of the opinions of others or do we ignore them, dancing around the elephant in the room, acting as though nothing is out of the ordinary?
Before we even had the chance to flourish, our romance was cut short. I was left alone on the bridge of love, ready to take the chance. Unfortunately, I choose to be blissfully ignorant to the struggle of indecision on your part, the fear that lay behind your stare. Looking back, it was obvious. You were struggling with insecurity, with the feeling of not being good enough for me. Trapped in worry and anxiety about keeping up with the passion, drive and goals I had set for the future.
Little did you know, I chose you. Looking deep into your soul, I saw the real you and it had me coming closer not running away.
After a moment of hesitation. You stopped just short of leaping into my arms. Pulling back, closing up….your fear took over.
“I don’t love you.”
The words echoed through my entire core. I laid it all out for you, vulnerable and completely bare with my emotions in a way I had never been before.
You didn’t take the chance. You turned away. Denying ever having the feelings that were obviously exuding from you.
The question will forever burn my lips but never be spoken, “Why?”
Instead of asking the one thing I desperately want to know, I stand here and fight. I argue with myself and with reality as I want back what’s mine- my heart. Internally, I scream the pain, embarrassment and anger I feel at the blatant rejection of the love I so freely gave to you.
Here is the thing, you weren’t ready for a woman like me. You stumbled across my path a little too soon. You shook my entire world but I did the same to yours. The solid platform in which you stood broken. Like a hurricane, I swirled into your life and took you by surprise.
One day the cords of our soul connection will be tethered, after years of this game it will grow tired. We may move on, meet others but the “could’ve been” will always be at the back of my mind. The missed opportunity to step forward into the growth of the people the relationship would have afforded us to be. Instead, I step back with only the memories as reminders of the great story that I never expected to end. The future so clearly envisioned laid shattered. The only thing left to do is leave the pieces where they fell. I have realised that the love I have for you will never disappear. It may diminish in intensity but will never completely leave me, no matter how hard I try. My wish for you is that you find the happiness that desperately eludes you, creating a life you are proud of. I want to see you happy, whether my presence is a part of that is not important. You have great potential and the person you are destined to become is more in reach than you realise.